Keeping my head above water: the first six months of being a new working mum

It all started in a cafe in Montmarte, Paris. My husband and I were enjoying a drink when I noticed a father sitting with his daughters. He’d ordered two glasses of wine and set the girls up with iPads.  Then, clearly straight from the office, arrived a woman to greet her family. I didn’t know what their exact tale was but it was such a defining moment for me that the image has stayed with me since.

But before I go on, a bit about me: I am mum to one year old Max, a wife, sister, daughter, best friend and the EA & Social Secretary to the British High Commissioner to Australia, Menna Rawlings and Deputy High Commissioner, Ingrid Southworth. Let’s just agree now that life is busy! And because it’s so busy, I’ve really had to adjust. I certainly haven’t treaded a newly paved path – many more amazing women have gone before me, including my two wonderfully supportive managers. But I’ve always enjoyed reading about the journeys of others, and in doing so, always seem to reflect back on my own journey as a new working mum.

I was reminded today just how much the balance can tip from day to day (and how real the struggle can be sometimes!) – I write this running on only 3 hours sleep because my little boy is teething, I have a full inbox, an after work appointment and dinner plans tonight with my husband and our friends.  But even through today’s sleep deprivation, here are some key points I think lots of expecting and new mums need to consider:

• Engage early: I was determined to take only 6 months off because I loved my job and it was important I kept my identity outside of being a mum and wife. I received lots of advice – some I took and some I resisted – but in the end, I knew what worked for me and because Menna and I had started the conversation early, over time we came to an agreement that met both of our needs.
• Put to bed assumptions: write your own path but understand within yourself, and agree with your manager, that your plan might change. Your journey is your own to discover.
• Don’t resist change: prepare yourself to let go at work. Don’t try to do it all because soon you won’t be doing it at all.
• Communicate: tell someone if you are not coping and how you can be better supported. Your contribution to the team will be impacted if you don’t.  If you are willing to communicate then you have to be willing to listen – sometimes other people can see things you cannot.
• Support other mums: make sure they know you are looking forward to seeing them again. Make time to see them when they pop into the office and ensure they know that their contribution to the team is valuable. If you know someone is lacking in support, check in with them and ask if you can help in any way.
• If you have options, try them out: I have tried most of the flexible working options – a job share, attempting to ‘do it all’ on a fulltime basis, and now a compressed week. In the end, something had to give and our team is better for it. I work 4 days in 3 ½ with the wonderful support of a part time PA, Lisa, who is also a mum re-entering the workforce. My husband starts/finishes work early, I start/finish late and my mum looks after Max for 3 days. Max goes to childcare on my half day, meaning I get half a day to myself every week – which I thought would be massages and shopping but it’s mainly groceries and chores, but at least I’m alone!
• Don’t aim too high: I feel like I’ve been treading water for the last 6 months. Aiming too high would have sent me into a tail spin when all I wanted to do was focus on my transition and manage my new work/life balance. It feels great to say that – to admit that my priorities have changed, that I value new things and have concentrated on myself. I’m still not the woman in Montmarte who met her husband and children at their local for dinner but some evenings I do walk in at bath time still in my suit – one daily ritual I always get home for.

When I tell others about the immense support I have within my workplace and at home, they tell me how lucky I am. They are right. But I do take some of the credit for feeling empowered enough to choose what works for me. You should too in the context of where you live and work.

And finally, Menna wrote in a speech recently that life becomes accelerated after you have children and that we all need to take the time to watch what we have achieved on slow mo. I certainly want to keep progressing my career in the future but for now this is the chapter I’m up to – life is a little slower and it’s about enjoying the moments I will never get back.

Reflect, appreciate and most of all enjoy.

In our #MothersDay edition podcast, High Commissioner Menna Rawlings hosted Deputy High Commissioner Ingrid Southworth and their Executive Assistant & Social Secretary Carly Hartas for tea in her home to reflect on the highs and lows, joys and challenges of being working mums.

From the early years through to teenagers, Menna, Ingrid and Carly share hilarious anecdotes that epitomise juggling work and children, and reflect on their journeys navigating careers and motherhood.

LISTEN HERE: