Guest blog by Preet, who is a survivor of a Forced Marriage and Honour Based Abuse. Here is her story.
I was born a British Citizen into a very strict and orthodox Sikh family, outside of the UK. My upbringing was very oppressive and the family culture was also suppressive towards the women in the household, therefore, many of my actions were controlled under the guise of maintaining ‘honour’. At a very tender age, I knew that after I finished higher education, I would be whisked off into marriage with a suitor chosen by my parents. My choices and feelings held no importance; I simply did not have a voice.
In secondary school, I was academically successful and wanted to pursue further education order to someday become a Lawyer. However, my parents refused to allow me to pursuer higher education, and as a form of rebellion, I started to swim at national level, and it came to the point that I was selected for a scholarship to train with a prestigious team in the USA; unfortunately, but not surprisingly, my father refused to allow me to accept the scholarship when he found out.
His decision to deny me this opportunity was a turning point for me, and I became increasingly rebellious as a consequence. It is then, that my isolation from family led me to meet and fall in love with and marry a man that did not share my family’s background or religion. He was a Christian. I suppose I did it to get away from the clutches of getting married to someone my parents would choose without consulting me, therefore, my family felt dishonoured and shamed by my ‘actions’. Less than a week later, we were arrested under false drug trafficking charges, which was just a plot to get back at me to be returned to my family and to separate us.
Later that night, my husband was locked away in jail. I was driven under gunpoint to my father’s warehouse where I was physically abused, threatened with life at gunpoint by my uncle, sedated by the family doctor, kidnapped and driven across the border. I was kept there against my will for approximately a couple of weeks, until my family acquired my passport and flew me to India, under the excuse of mental treatment by way of a letter the family Doctor had written to the immigration as I had been sedated. When in India, they falsely imprisoned me in the family home for more than two years.
After two years and being groomed into a ‘domesticated, pious, Indian girl’ I was forcibly married to a stranger in 1998 and brought over to the UK to sponsor his leave to remain in the country. Even though the onset of the marriage was a failure and unwanted, the duress from my own family to maintain and honour the marriage and have a family was immense, along with emotional blackmail. I endured 6yrs of intense abuse due to my ex-husband’s alcoholism and erratic behaviour, and so did our two sons. In the end, I sought help from my former boss, who led me to the GP and Domestic Abuse services, with whose help I managed to flee the harmful situation.
Whilst in refuge provision, I came into contact with an NGO that dealt with Forced Marriages and Honour Based Crimes/Abuse, by way of a dear friend’s recommendation. I met the founder and shared my experiences with her and started to volunteer at the NGO. Over the years, I have built my knowledge and expertise on these issues and began sharing my story with media, at conferences, training, and workshops across UK. I also supported victims who found themselves in similar situations. I was also introduced to the Forced Marriage Unit; with whom I have been working with for the last 7+yrs. I have also taken part in national and international documentaries, as well as in workshops abroad, with the Forced Marriage Unit to highlight the cause.
In 2012, I was given a platform at the House of Lords, by the Women’s Federation for World Peace, to mark the United Nations International Day to Eliminate Violence against Women and Girls. I spoke about my experiences at this event and thereafter, was awarded an Ambassador for Peace awards to acknowledge my efforts in highlighting and raising awareness on Forced Marriages. This led me into founding my own charity “It’s My Right – No Forced Marriages”.
We all know forcing someone to marry is a serious violation of one’s human rights. As a survivor of and campaigner towards criminalisation of Forced Marriages, I am very happy that it is now in effect. It makes me confident in knowing victims can use it to their advantage, make it their own voice and secure their right to choose. The most important bit is that we need to continue empowering and educating communities, schools and relevant people that this is now a criminal offence, unacceptable at all costs and perpetrators will be punished. It gives me hope for victims in future as I did not have the resources back then.
Disclaimer: These are the views of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Foreign and Commonwealth Office.